You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
