Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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