I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
