If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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