her vagine was all disorganized.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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