Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
