Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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