I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
