I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you never un-have a 4some
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
