Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
