well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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