NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
