her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
