My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
