The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
