the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
