I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
