Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
