somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
