wanna go halves on a baby?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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