I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
