if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Vodka?
Forever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
