The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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