the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
