I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
