Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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