well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
