dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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