Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
