woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
