these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
