she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
