My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
