My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
