Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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