yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
