Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
