Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
