Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Me too. Send a cab. Order food.

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(407): View more from Florida

im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

(1-407): View more from Florida

i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

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(281): View more from Texas

I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.

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(619): View more from California

If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?

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(714): View more from California

So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.

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(206): View more from Washington

How did the surgery go?

(425): View more from Washington

My face feels like a marshmallow.

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