There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
