We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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