I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
