Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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