I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
