So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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