You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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