I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
