you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
