I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
