I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
