As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So much Jack, so little girl.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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