when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
